Prana Light

Shadow of Your Smile

so many times, fallen down
after dark, i go up
into the tree tops
where i can be closest to you

i rest among the limbs
that lift me,
cradle me and my light

with the morning i give away
the light
and begin again

in the moon i see
the shadow of your smile
from some other time,
some other place

that falling star
it's just me
will you wait for me
at dawn?

This past weekend was Mother's Day weekend in the USA, where I'm from. Being a mother is an experience I've not had the joy of having. There are reasons why, mainly due to health issues on my part. It came down to a choice that had to be made. Children, or no children. I ended up saying, no.  Could we have adopted, possibly. But the health issues would still have made that difficult too. It's a long story, complicated--as long stories often are. Heart-wrenching decisions. The hardest choice I ever had to make. I live with it daily and try to find a peace with it. It is not always easy. 

My poem today is actually part of a longer piece, written after a dream I had. Over the years I've been visited by the spirit of my own unborn child. A little girl. She's about two years of age. Sometimes she has just appeared to me. Other times, this year, I have been able to commune with her via Shamanic journeying, which is a new part of my spiritual practice. It has been an amazing thing.  It has helped me release some of the deeply painful emotions surrounding my choice, and the sorrow of never having my own little one. The message my spirit-girl brings me is often reassuring, comforting. She reminds me that I have other powers of being able to nurture--to care for and help nurture other people, animals, even myself. As I approach my 40th birthday later this year, I am beginning to experience some changes in my energy, changes in how I deal with things. The past has less hold on me. 

Why am I telling you this?  Because it's not always sunshine and roses here all the time.  And because  Mother's Day is the hardest day of my year. Most times, I cry. I often just find ways to get through the day, almost avoiding it in my own way. Avoiding, denying, the present moment and its goodness only creates more pain. This weekend, for the first time, I was able to greet this day and not cry.  Will I cry next year? Who knows. Baby steps. These are my own baby steps. I am slowly learning that a shadow of a smile is a gift to me. It no longer needs to be my sorrow. Instead of my heart breaking for a lost love, I am learning to make room for more love to grow.

What are your dark days and shadows?



P.S. Today's image, last week's glorious Super Moon...

Treats and Sweets in Vienna

It would be very remiss of me not to make some mention of the food and drink in Vienna. A city noted especially for it's cafe/coffeehouse culture. We were spoiled for choice, as there are so many delicious places to eat when out & about in Vienna... and beautiful cakes, confectionery and pastries are everywhere too!

A very tasty highlight was lunch on our last day at the renowned Cafe Museum at Operngasse 7-Karlsplatz. Once-upon-a-time the likes of Gustav Klimt, Egon Schiele, Otto Wagner, Adolf Loos, and other creatives & great minds ate, drank and communed there!

The original interior was once in the Adolf Loos style but is now reflecting the interior design done by Josef Zotti from 1931. However cozy and ambient the interior though, the day we were there we chose to sit outside and take in the sunshine of Vienna on a glorious spring day.

We both had this wonderful dish of white asparagus tucked inside a fluffy blanket of omelet on wholegrain toast, and topped with field greens along with a light hollandaise sauce. I want to make this now we're home!

Though I actually converted temporarily to some coffee-drinking while in Vienna (the Viennese are coffee experts!), I still drank my usual tea. Tea is served so elegantly at the Cafe Museum... with honey-hinted rock sugar sticks. I don't take sugar, but I almost wanted to!

We lingered long at the Cafe Museum... and eventually shared dessert--a cranberry-mascarpone torte. There's TJ across the table with his cup of Melange coffee, while I sipped my tea. (Not the best photo, the afternoon light was changing...)

Some of the cakes & treats on offer at the Cafe Museum...

On another occasion, another evening elsewhere, at the Cafe Grav (Friedrichstrasse 2 -Karlsplatz), we sampled the famed Sachertorte. It is impossible not to have this cake while in Vienna. It is sooo good!

I encountered a lot hearts, a lot of love in Vienna. It is hard not to feel and experience love of all kinds in Vienna.  I found so much there. And I could go on writing about Vienna for months, be showing photos here for months! But this is not exactly a lifestyle/foodie blog... ;o) And to wrap up this the photo tour, I have one more art post from Vienna at Perspectives.

So during the weekend we'll be back to our usual programming here. It was a pleasure to share even a tiny taste of Vienna with you.

What are you seeing, tasting, feeling these days...tell me?

Nights in Vienna

Vienna is AMAZING during the daytime, but at night the alive-vibe reaches maximum capacity when the sun starts going down!  The city literally hums... it's a sweet buzz. Restaurants spill out onto the sidewalks in spring/summer, there's music to be found, a theater or concert hall is always showing something fantastic. There is so much gorgeous architecture all over the city--the buildings themselves are works of art.  And at night so many of them are lit up in beautiful ways.  Even the street lamps are light art. Every night while in Vienna we walked after dinner, taking in the city in the soft evening light. Above is the Hofburg Palace quarter graced by the moon...

Musicians playing a cracking rendition of Metallica's Nothing Else Matters, on violins, bass and zither-- nothing short of WOW!

One of the many beautiful arcades off the square at Freyung.

Close up of the fountain in the arcade mentioned above. The blue light comes from a building behind the windows of the arcade, creating a magical light...

Vienna is a great place for shopping...if you have money!  There are designer boutiques everywhere.  And most all shops have fantastic, artistic window displays. At night the windows take on a new, different glow...

A side street not far from the hotel we stayed at in the Hofburg quarter.

Bräunerstrasse... lovely little street with lots of tasty restaurants. One evening we ate dinner at the Hungarian restaurant Ilona Stüberl in this street. If you are ever in Vienna, you must go there, and you must try the Paprika Chicken with Nokedli, little dumplings...mmm....

Sculpture in, again, the Hofburg Palace quarter...

At night, in the street-lamp light, a horse-drawn carriage breezes by like a phantom... Moonlight, street light, music, romance... *sigh*... I want to go back to Vienna already!

Later this week I'll share one more Vienna posting. If you missed the first one from last week, you can see that here. And there is more at TJ & my's art blog, Perspectives, such as my post on experiencing Klimt in Vienna. I also now have some extra photos at my Flickr page.

So what moonlight, music and romance have you been up to lately?  ;o)

Buddha Day

No one can save us but ourselves.  No one can and no one may.  We ourselves must walk the path... Work out your own salvation... --The Buddha

Today is Buddha Day, or Vesak as it is also known. Sometimes this day is also referred to as The Buddha's Birthday, a day to celebrate The Buddha and his great message of peace.  You can read an excellent article on the meaning of this day here.

The quote above by The Buddha may seem harsh to some. But I actually find great comfort in those words. My salvation is my own responsibility. My intentions, my actions, my thoughts... all are my responsibility. And much of the consequences in the wake of my thoughts, intentions and actions are my responsibility. Personal accountability is a big thing in Buddhist practice. In Buddhism the practitioner follows a path of wise and skillful right livelihood, the Noble Eightfold Path, that leads away from the things that cause suffering in life (greed, anger, delusion) and ultimately to a place of self-awakening and peace.

Whatever path you are on, I am wishing you much PEACE...

Vienna Dreams...

Vienna was a dream... and so much more!  I'm still eating, drinking, seeing, hearing, smelling and soaking in all the wonderful experiences we had while in Vienna. We fell in love with the city!  It is a city that greatly celebrates its heritage, but also very much relishes the now too.The old and new of everything living very much in harmony together. There was so much to take in and enjoy. Beauty at every turn wherever we went. I took hundreds and hundred of photos! That is why I am so slow in posting. It has been something to piece together all that beauty and all pleasures we experienced while in Vienna--to find words to convey it all.  And not least to sift though all the photos to share at least some of them. I'm finding myself at a loss for words, which seldom happens, because I'm still tasting it all. The trip to Vienna, though brief, was a dream come true in so many ways.The experience has made a huge impression on me, most of which I'm still disgesting, and journalling about. Places can affect a person very strongly, and Vienna did that for me. And though we were able to see and experience a lot of what we wished to, there is still so much more to explore... We'll definitely be going back to Vienna!

The image above is the pretty park area around Karlsplatz with a view of the very impressive Karlskirche (St. Charles' Church) in the background.  We saw spring unfolding while we were in Vienna, and had some days of very warm, summery temperatures--it was wonderful!  Here is a small selection of highlights from our trip...

The Belvedere, the magnificent Baroque Palace, built as the summer residence of Prince Eugene of Savoy, it now houses art collections on exhibit, and is the place to view Gustav Klimt's famed artwork, The Kiss, as well as other fin de siècle art, works from the 1880s thru the 1910s.

Fountain in the gardens of the Belvedere.

Carriage rides around the Hofburg palace quarter, former Imperial residence of Austria.

The Majolica House, designed 1898-1899 by the brilliant Viennese architect Otto Wagner.

More Otto Wagner, here his well-known landmark in Vienna, the Karlsplatz Stadtbahn Station--the old subway station building at Karlsplatz--a beautiful example of the Jugendstil/Art Nouveau style of architecture.

At the Wiener Prater, or Prater, as it is often known...The Prater is a large public park and amusement park in the city of Vienna.

The Wiener Musikverein, often simply known as the Musikverein, is Vienna's grand concert hall, and home to Vienna's Philharmonic orchestra.

Lilacs in the lovely Volksgarten, a public park near the Neue Burg.

Schönbrunn, the splendid Rococo palace, summer residence of the long-reigning Habsburg monarchs. The palace and the elaborate gardens can both be toured.

A little tourist-y photo of TJ & I while wandering the gardens at Schönbrunn...

This is just a tiny taste of photos from our trip. I will share more here next week, as well as a couple of art-related posts at Perspectives. With so many photos, I could be musing about Vienna for months! So please stop by my Flickr page, where I'll also be adding extra images in the days ahead. We're still landing, physically and mentally, from the trip and getting back into the swing of things here. I look forward to catching up with you all now we're back!